Saturday With Shutter – E Pluribus Unum
He never saw it coming really. It was all carefully choreographed, calculated, and planned, down to the most minute detail. The deception called for three distinctive elements, the distraction, the feign, and lastly the execution.
It all started last Wednesday as my human servant mulled around the house on yet another gloomy, wet, and cold February day. He gets this way in the Winter time. Even after ten years he has never adjusted to the repeatable pattern of his business that’s become as predictable as the seasons.
Life becomes a flurry of activity for my human usually starting around mid March and running until Christmas. But once the portly guy with the white beard and red suit has made his global rounds everything goes from a breakneck pace to a sudden and complete stop.
I personally stay rather productive regardless of the time of year. Why just last week I built a rather dashing airplane from the dining room table and the kitchen ceiling fan. Of course I did accidentally send 110 volts through my nemesis, the neighbors cat. I swear I thought I had the right circuit breaker. And before any of you cat humans begin berating me for my careless play with electrical current just know the cat is fine. A little crossed eyed maybe and she has this weird tendency to walk sideways. But other wise… where was I?
The plan! Right! So after another nonproductive day by my human servant binge watching Cosmos for the twelfth time on Netflix and looking like a child whom had just dropped their ice cream, he sprang from the sofa which now bears the perfect shape of his behind and went back to his room to get dressed.
When he came out he had on his winter coat and announced he was, “going for pizza” and that he’d be right back. Ah pizza… ranking right up there with donuts, pizza is one of you humans more significant contributions to the culinary arts.
The door had no more closed when the Pack and I went into a huddle formation. We knew if we didn’t take sure and drastic measures we would once again be denied participation in this celebration of life you call pizza.
When my human returned with the large square box the Pack and I reacted with our practiced complete indifference. We waited patiently. Waited for him to doff his coat. Waited as he changed his clothes to something more suitable to his ever expanding waistline. Waited for just the right moment to act. This accomplished our human servant loaded up his plate with a generous portion of the afore mention pizza, turned on the television, and settled in on the sofa.
With an imperceptible nod of my head we sprang into action. It began first with a minor altercation between Zoe and Izzy. While Zoe lay quietly in the chair Izzy leapt up and tried to take her chew rope. Zoe responded as planned with a series of snarls and growls that sounded like there was a badger loose in the living room. This was the distraction.
Just as our human servant rose from his seat to take what little corrective action he could to mediate this ruse of an altercation Reese enacted her part of the plan. This was the feign.
Right on queue Reese trotted to the middle of the living room floor and carefully employed and continuous series of hacks, coughs, and gagging noises that sounded like she was about to expel everything she had consumed for the last week all the living room carpet. With the dexterity of a seasoned running back scooping up a loose football our human servant too scooped Reese off the floor and retreated to the kitchen where the vinyl floor was more conducive a surface for cleanup. After about a minute of this Reese stopped her coughing and gagging and calmly walked back into the living room like nothing what so ever had happened.
In the midst of all of this mayhem my part came into play. I gently slid the largest of the three pieces of pizza from the plate and pushed the other two back together in perfect alignment. I then ran to my dog bed and carefully concealed our prize in the folds and resumed my place on the sofa.
When our human servant returned to the sofa he looked curiously at his neatly arranged plate for a moment. As expected he must have determined that perhaps he only had two pieces as nothing seemed amiss or out of place.
It was a perfect plan really. Perfect in it’s simplicity and flawless in it’s execution. Indicative of what can be accomplished when the Packs focus is not on any individual, but on the cause.
That night while our human slept we crept from our beds and apportioned our prize into equal shares. We planed as one, worked as one, succeeded as one. And for a few minutes in the glow of the nightlight we dined on pizza and laughs.
As a Pack we know what we can accomplish when we work together. It is no different for humans either. There is no obstacle that cannot be over come, no need that cannot be met, when we all come together with unity and purpose. E Pluribus Unum it says on the back of your one dollar bill. “Out of many, one.” Whether it’s gun violence, immigration, animal rescue, or any number of worthwhile causes. Don’t wait on the politicians to fix it. Their promises are as empty as that pizza box. You’d be amazed what we can accomplish when we “Act as a Pack“.
Now if you will excuse me my human servant said that he was making boneless ribs tomorrow and all I can say is, Challenge Accepted!
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