Saturday With Shutter – The Great Jelly Jar Debacle
Saturday morning dawned fair and cool but still not the frigid near Arctic temperatures that are most common for this time of year. I could smell the coffee brewing and I admit, I glean a certain masochistic pleasure from dragging him outside, and then spending the next fifteen minutes sniffing around before I perform my morning ablution. All the while he is fumbling along behind me with a plastic bag in a semi conscious caffeine deprived state. I call it taking my zombie for a walk.
Anyway, I do what I need to do outside and then we retire to the kitchen for the customary morning gruel. I watch in fascination as my human gorges himself with cup after cup of this customary breakfast beverage he seems incapable of functioning without. How he keeps from vibrating out of his slippers from this much caffeine is a mystery I have yet to solve. Lastly our morning routine usually consists of a rousing game of indoor ball. This typically lasts for about 30 minutes or so before my human has to get on with his day doing, well what ever it is that he does. Our bladders empty and our stomachs full, the pack and I then adjourn to a comfortable corner of the sofa for a morning siesta.
Now, there are very few things in this world that cause me any real distress. Oh, I may become a little miffed when my dinner is late. And occasionally I have allowed my ire to present itself when Reese or Izzy have wrongfully appropriated my spherical exercise projectile also knows as a ball. But yesterday my Human Servant clearly tested the very limits of my normally docile disposition. Because about 15 minutes into the a fore mentioned siesta my human decided was the appropriate time to introduce me to the most nerve shattering noise I think has ever pierced my HIGHLY sensitive ears.
While the rest of the pack took note of this offensive ear splitting racket with their customary head cock, I sprang from the sofa and bounded toward the kitchen from whence said racket was emanating. I traversed the distance between the living room and kitchen all the while I contemplated unleashing as much bodily damage upon his ankles as was possible. As I stood in the kitchen doorway I observed my human servant with a metal eating implement called a spoon in one hand, and a glass jar in the other. With his tongue protruding slightly out one corner of his mouth and one eye closed peering inside, I watched as he scraped the spoon along the sides of that jar trying in vain to retrieve the last remnants of it former contents from the bottom.
Since he had neither seen nor heard my approach I gave him an earth shattering bark of disapproval. This audible reality check sent the spoon flying in one direction and the jar nearly slipping from his hands and landing on his still slipper clad feet. “Damn it Shutter!” he yelled. “You scared the hell out of me! I was trying to get the last of this jelly out for my toast and you almost made me drop the jar!”
Personally I could not have cared less what he was doing, so long as he did so quieter! Besides cretin, jelly is for doughnuts. Everyone knows that. With our mutual exchange complete, he retrieved the spoon, wiped up the jelly, and with the slumped shoulders of resignation threw the empty jar in the trash. Just as I turned to leave he added, “Hey, it’s going to be 60 degrees today. You want to go to the park?”
Did he just use the words 60 degrees, and park in the same sentence? In February? Now here is where being the Pack Leader gets a little tricky. I mean it’s the frigging Dog Park! Of course we wanted to go! But in order to maintain this hierarchical structure I have worked so hard to create it must always appear we are doing him a favor by joining him. Kind of like this; “Oh you are going to the Dog Park? Well, we better go with you or you will just wander around the enclosure by yourself and we wouldn’t want you to get lonely. Besides someone has to be there to tell you when it’s time to go home.” It works the same way with treats. We didn’t really want one but we can’t very well let you eat alone can we?
In the end all was forgiven with the “Great Jelly Jar Debacle” and we enjoyed a wonderful warm February afternoon at the park where we walked several miles and then spent an hour or so in the enclosure where the Pack and I could do some real open field running. Hope everyone had as great a weekend as we did. And for goodness sakes, if you have to have jelly on your toast in the morning, get the squeeze bottle next time will you.
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